I had alot to say, just now but.... I lost it.
My heart was all full but I went to go say my prayers and.... it overflowed.
So I think I got it all off my chest.
I miss my friends. I have best friends and .... they've all moved on.
and here I am, nowhere.
I have miracles today. I'm trying to think of some.
sometimes, it's a little miracle that I can still genuinely smile when it's like, 10:15, I'm still at work, and I have to be nice to people.
I miss you. I miss watching stars. I miss random accents. I miss all night parties. I miss waking up late, and going to bed early.... and by early, I mean, the early hours of the morning. I miss superawkwardrandominsidejokes, I miss your freaking loud laugh that you somehow picked up from me after wayyyy too much time with me, I miss talking all night on the phone, I miss your hugs, I miss your smile, I miss the way... ah. I'm going to stop there.
I'm learning from myself all the time ... trying to learn to take my own advice.
whenever I go through hard things I think to myself, "Self. if you can just take this hard time, and turn it into something good, it will go away. If life weren't hard, you would never grow." it's easy to say but a whole lot harder to actually do. ah.
Today at work, I watched this kid, probably about 14 or 15 months old, just run away from his parents. and I watched two men - dad and grandpa, i think - run after him - and they were running, cuz this kid could move. As annoying as that might be for the parents..... I couldn't help but laugh. And think to myself... "I want a baby." haha... and then I snapped out of it. babies are hard work, and I need a man to help me raise it, so ... I think I can wait. but they're cute =)
I will wake up tomorrow.
It will be a new day.
I'll have a new set of things to do.
Things will be okay.
if I can just take it slowly.
day by day, hour by hour.
just think happy thoughts.
*I'll always be there when you wake*
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Two and a half hours.
That's how long it took me to get these kids to bed tonight.
we started at about 7 and it is now almost 10 and they have just barely fallen asleep.
I'm... wow.
I mean, who'd have ever thought it'd be this much work?
you put them down, they get up. you firmly state that if they don't stay in bed you are going to scream, and there's this evil insane little laugh that follows a statement like that.
Savannah pushes Chloe down. Zach is running around naked. Griffin is calling Dylan names. Griffin and Dylan commence pillow fighting. Dylan gets hurt and starts to sob because Griffin landed on his "stubbed thumb". Chloe decides to start screaming. when I ask her why, she starts to laugh. Zach is still unclothed. he throws the trash bag at me and it splits open. Griffin puts chewed up fruit snacks in Dylan's hair. the list goes on.... you get the picture.
4 of them did sit out in the hall and read scriptures with me today though. I loved it, we read Alma 26. I think they didn't really understand it too much, but it was nice to read with them. it felt nice. then we came back in, and the chaos continues.
I'm just a baby sitter. but I do enjoy this.
However, I think i will now think twice before having 12 kids.... at least twice.
ooh, yesterday i went to the beach. i love the ocean. it's so tranquil, i could just sit there and stare and get lost in the beauty of it all. I feel so relaxed at the beach. Tomorrow is party time! it seems that summer is a never ending party.... seems a little shallow but i'm very excited.
welll... good night =)
we started at about 7 and it is now almost 10 and they have just barely fallen asleep.
I'm... wow.
I mean, who'd have ever thought it'd be this much work?
you put them down, they get up. you firmly state that if they don't stay in bed you are going to scream, and there's this evil insane little laugh that follows a statement like that.
Savannah pushes Chloe down. Zach is running around naked. Griffin is calling Dylan names. Griffin and Dylan commence pillow fighting. Dylan gets hurt and starts to sob because Griffin landed on his "stubbed thumb". Chloe decides to start screaming. when I ask her why, she starts to laugh. Zach is still unclothed. he throws the trash bag at me and it splits open. Griffin puts chewed up fruit snacks in Dylan's hair. the list goes on.... you get the picture.
4 of them did sit out in the hall and read scriptures with me today though. I loved it, we read Alma 26. I think they didn't really understand it too much, but it was nice to read with them. it felt nice. then we came back in, and the chaos continues.
I'm just a baby sitter. but I do enjoy this.
However, I think i will now think twice before having 12 kids.... at least twice.
ooh, yesterday i went to the beach. i love the ocean. it's so tranquil, i could just sit there and stare and get lost in the beauty of it all. I feel so relaxed at the beach. Tomorrow is party time! it seems that summer is a never ending party.... seems a little shallow but i'm very excited.
welll... good night =)
Monday, June 6, 2011
ah. Serenity.
I'm sitting at work.
just sitting.
I didn't get here til later, so by the time I got here, the kids had just been put to bed.
Do you know how hard it is to get 5 kids in bed?
...not easy. try it sometime.
right now, they've been "put to bed" for about ... an hour and a half.
I can still hear them up there, laughing, talking, hitting things, occasionally arguing....
you know, if I were a good baby-sitter, I'd go up and say
"hey you kids! quiet down and go to sleep 'fore I throw ya all in the brig!!"
but secretly... I kind of enjoy listening to them.
There are times, I guess, when very little things that occur take on a very large meaning. I think I am at that point in my life.
I believe there's a scripture in the Book of Mormon about that -- "by small and simple things are great things brought to pass."
This is one of my "small and simple" moments.
where I just sit back
and bask in
and enjoy
all that life has to offer.
~*you can't take the sky from me~*
just sitting.
I didn't get here til later, so by the time I got here, the kids had just been put to bed.
Do you know how hard it is to get 5 kids in bed?
...not easy. try it sometime.
right now, they've been "put to bed" for about ... an hour and a half.
I can still hear them up there, laughing, talking, hitting things, occasionally arguing....
you know, if I were a good baby-sitter, I'd go up and say
"hey you kids! quiet down and go to sleep 'fore I throw ya all in the brig!!"
but secretly... I kind of enjoy listening to them.
There are times, I guess, when very little things that occur take on a very large meaning. I think I am at that point in my life.
I believe there's a scripture in the Book of Mormon about that -- "by small and simple things are great things brought to pass."
This is one of my "small and simple" moments.
where I just sit back
and bask in
and enjoy
all that life has to offer.
~*you can't take the sky from me~*
Monday, May 23, 2011
Nocturne...
I took a communications class once and learned about internal noise.
I have alot of that going on lately.
I was walking to class today, and just thinking and thinking.
About what I want to do, who I want to end up being.
a couple of weeks ago, someone told me that I needed to ask myself where I wanted to be in 5 years, and then just go for it.
I thought to myself, I do not want to be working shifts in a hospital in 5 years. Not that it's a bad thing, that just isn't where I see myself.
I love adventure. I want to have it. lots and lots of it! but... I can't really major in adventure.
I want to serve others, that is what I want. I want to put myself in a position where I can help others, where I can give them something that they don't have, and in turn, I get to meet people and make new friends and forge these rich new relationships.
I love where I'm working right now. It is, I think, one of the things that has inspired me to want to serve others. I feel, sometimes, like I am helping the kids I work with, like maybe I am doing something important.
I can't wait to stop feeling like... like a "wave of the sea, driven with the wind and tossed." That is how it is, this other life. It's just ... a bit unstable. I'm so grateful for the Rock that I'm trying so hard to stay anchored to =)
~*you've got to lose to know how to win~*
I have alot of that going on lately.
I was walking to class today, and just thinking and thinking.
About what I want to do, who I want to end up being.
a couple of weeks ago, someone told me that I needed to ask myself where I wanted to be in 5 years, and then just go for it.
I thought to myself, I do not want to be working shifts in a hospital in 5 years. Not that it's a bad thing, that just isn't where I see myself.
I love adventure. I want to have it. lots and lots of it! but... I can't really major in adventure.
I want to serve others, that is what I want. I want to put myself in a position where I can help others, where I can give them something that they don't have, and in turn, I get to meet people and make new friends and forge these rich new relationships.
I love where I'm working right now. It is, I think, one of the things that has inspired me to want to serve others. I feel, sometimes, like I am helping the kids I work with, like maybe I am doing something important.
I can't wait to stop feeling like... like a "wave of the sea, driven with the wind and tossed." That is how it is, this other life. It's just ... a bit unstable. I'm so grateful for the Rock that I'm trying so hard to stay anchored to =)
~*you've got to lose to know how to win~*
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Tonight.Tonight
It's interesting to go from a place where prayer solves every problem...
to a place where you feel like prayer can't solve any problems.
Even though my heart knows it really can,
my ... everything else.... screams out that that's just silly.
These are my obstacles, I should love them.
~*I know the heart of life is good~*
to a place where you feel like prayer can't solve any problems.
Even though my heart knows it really can,
my ... everything else.... screams out that that's just silly.
These are my obstacles, I should love them.
~*I know the heart of life is good~*
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
This is how it works....
Oh Man....
Who knew life would be so confusing.refreshing.wonderful.
I wonder if I'm odd... I think about Houston every day.
at least once a day, a moment will take me back there...
back to riding my bike in the 90% humidity in July.
back to the love I felt for these young women
who I spent every waking hour of every day with
for anywhere from 6 weeks to 6 months.
Ah. back to the love that I feel for the people there.
But here I am, trying to figure life out.
And you know, I love it just as much.
yeah, it's a little different, but missionary service has given me such a perspective about God's love for me, about life, about all of Heavenly Father's children.
I still do and say dumb things fairly often. I still mess up. But, you know, i feel alot more grounded. alot more myself. Just more confident, I think.
This is good.
*take that love you made. and stick it into some. someone else's heart. pumpin' someone else's blood*
Who knew life would be so confusing.refreshing.wonderful.
I wonder if I'm odd... I think about Houston every day.
at least once a day, a moment will take me back there...
back to riding my bike in the 90% humidity in July.
back to the love I felt for these young women
who I spent every waking hour of every day with
for anywhere from 6 weeks to 6 months.
Ah. back to the love that I feel for the people there.
But here I am, trying to figure life out.
And you know, I love it just as much.
yeah, it's a little different, but missionary service has given me such a perspective about God's love for me, about life, about all of Heavenly Father's children.
I still do and say dumb things fairly often. I still mess up. But, you know, i feel alot more grounded. alot more myself. Just more confident, I think.
This is good.
*take that love you made. and stick it into some. someone else's heart. pumpin' someone else's blood*
Monday, February 21, 2011
I SociAliZed!!!
.... and it was fun!!
I have spent the last six weeks fighting integration into the social world.
but guess what!! yesterday AND today I had fun with people that weren't married and weren't my family!!!
I AM SO AWESOMMMMEEE!!!
now on to the next big step: ...
I think it's dating.
I can't think about that yet!
BUT!!
I'm sure I will get there!
and when I do!
you better look out world =)
This morning I studied the very end of the Book of Helaman, in the Book of Mormon.
In chapter 16 verse 21, the wicked people have just finished hearing Samuel, the Lamanite. ah, I love Samuel. He is just so... pure. God tells him to do it, he has no fear and does it. so anyway, in verse 21, they are rationalizing their wickedness, saying that the prophets have "worked some great mystery which we cannot understand, which will keep us down to be servants to their words, and also servants unto them."
Is it just me, or is it a pattern throughout the scriptures:
People don't make sense.
how does it make any sense that these prophets, who are only declaring the word of God, who are asking no money, no support, they are only striving to bring people closer to Christ, they are asking nothing, only declaring repentance, and yet the wicked say that it is done to make people servants of the prophets.
What are they doing to serve the Prophets?
they're not even listening!
they're just throwing rocks and shooting arrows.
I guess I just don't see it.
What I do see, however, is that wicked people work up "some mystery which they cannot understand" unto themselves. they get so into these crazy theories, these false doctrines mingled with small traces of true doctrine, and it all just becomes too mysterious to believe.
I am so grateful to have a living Prophet.
We are encouraged to study the fundamentals of the gospel, the basic principles:
faith, repentance, the atonement of Jesus Christ.
these are basic doctrines.
God loves each and every one of His children.
He has a plan for each of us to return to live in His presence.
The only way to Him is in and through the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ.
I loved this scripture about Grace i found the other day:
2 Nephi 10:24
I love the scriptures. they bring me closer to Christ.
Pray, ask God, receive.
the answers are there.
*floating along as the melody comes*
I have spent the last six weeks fighting integration into the social world.
but guess what!! yesterday AND today I had fun with people that weren't married and weren't my family!!!
I AM SO AWESOMMMMEEE!!!
now on to the next big step: ...
I think it's dating.
I can't think about that yet!
BUT!!
I'm sure I will get there!
and when I do!
you better look out world =)
This morning I studied the very end of the Book of Helaman, in the Book of Mormon.
In chapter 16 verse 21, the wicked people have just finished hearing Samuel, the Lamanite. ah, I love Samuel. He is just so... pure. God tells him to do it, he has no fear and does it. so anyway, in verse 21, they are rationalizing their wickedness, saying that the prophets have "worked some great mystery which we cannot understand, which will keep us down to be servants to their words, and also servants unto them."
Is it just me, or is it a pattern throughout the scriptures:
People don't make sense.
how does it make any sense that these prophets, who are only declaring the word of God, who are asking no money, no support, they are only striving to bring people closer to Christ, they are asking nothing, only declaring repentance, and yet the wicked say that it is done to make people servants of the prophets.
What are they doing to serve the Prophets?
they're not even listening!
they're just throwing rocks and shooting arrows.
I guess I just don't see it.
What I do see, however, is that wicked people work up "some mystery which they cannot understand" unto themselves. they get so into these crazy theories, these false doctrines mingled with small traces of true doctrine, and it all just becomes too mysterious to believe.
I am so grateful to have a living Prophet.
We are encouraged to study the fundamentals of the gospel, the basic principles:
faith, repentance, the atonement of Jesus Christ.
these are basic doctrines.
God loves each and every one of His children.
He has a plan for each of us to return to live in His presence.
The only way to Him is in and through the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ.
I loved this scripture about Grace i found the other day:
2 Nephi 10:24
I love the scriptures. they bring me closer to Christ.
Pray, ask God, receive.
the answers are there.
*floating along as the melody comes*
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