Everyone wants some big, life changing moment.
sometimes, we think we might have it.
we get married, we have children, we graduate from college, we move somewhere new.
but in the end, it all turns out to disappoint us, i think.
we expect this big, life changing moment.
and, after while, it just turns out to be life.
some people search their whole lives for this moment.
they work, they fail, they succeed.
but really, it's all life-changing only in hindsight.
it's hard to learn to appreciate ourselves, in the moment.
we get all dressed up, we put on our pretty shoes, and we wait.
I, for one, am in the mood to dance now.
and try to enjoy whatever i can get.
Ready to throw my shoes away... in the mood for love
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Thursday, May 21, 2009
beComiNg...
We forget.
forget that the stars shine when the sun is out.
forget what our mama's face looks like when we fall asleep.
sometimes, we forget what year it is, or our birthdays, or our names.
We forget the ones we love, or have loved.
forget the million red m&m's.
forget more than everything.
forget the flowers, and the kisses, and the happy moments that make life complete.
forget the one thing that at some point, mattered more than anything.
sometimes, we experience pain we say we could never forget because it just hurts
so. much.
but. life goes on.
and we forget.
the best we can do is not let the bad things.
over shadow those moments that make us take the next step.
it's very hard to do.
and i'm sure i will have to teach myself how to do this,
and it will take my whole long, arduous, joy-filled, wonder-filled, pain-filled life.
but maybe in the end.
all those bad things that seemed like the end of the world....
i will forget.
forget that the stars shine when the sun is out.
forget what our mama's face looks like when we fall asleep.
sometimes, we forget what year it is, or our birthdays, or our names.
We forget the ones we love, or have loved.
forget the million red m&m's.
forget more than everything.
forget the flowers, and the kisses, and the happy moments that make life complete.
forget the one thing that at some point, mattered more than anything.
sometimes, we experience pain we say we could never forget because it just hurts
so. much.
but. life goes on.
and we forget.
the best we can do is not let the bad things.
over shadow those moments that make us take the next step.
it's very hard to do.
and i'm sure i will have to teach myself how to do this,
and it will take my whole long, arduous, joy-filled, wonder-filled, pain-filled life.
but maybe in the end.
all those bad things that seemed like the end of the world....
i will forget.
Thursday, April 30, 2009
eNdleSs kiSses 'til mY eYes chaNge coLorS
I have to be honest.
I love science fiction. My daddy and my brothers got me into serenity, firefly, orson scott card and ender’s game, star wars, I love it all.
I laugh too loud. I have to remember to close my mouth when I laugh so it doesn’t wake up the whole street.
My brothers are my favorite, and when someone teases me like my brothers tease me, I crack up. I can’t help it, I just love to be reminded that every boy I ever date is or could be a brother too. And trust me, he will get on my nerves.
Weird habit? I blow spit bubbles. Gross, huh? It grosses my friends out. And I’m totally guilty of liking it. When I find something that grosses my really good friends out, I definitely take a brother attitude on about it and do it over and over to them until they start crying.
And do you know what? I love dancing in the rain. And watching girly movies. I love them!! Girly movies that make me cry, laugh, and feel good about myself. And write little blurbs like this, blurbs about my style.
This is my style. If I see sprinklers when I’m driving, I pull over so I can run in them. Sometimes, I leave fast food wrappers in my car, and my room is always a mess. I try to keep it clean but there just isn’t enough time in the day. I never make my bed and I can sleep just about anywhere.
When I grow up, I wanna fall in love. Real love, not that trashy romance novel kinda love. The kind where the boy opens the door and I melt, the kind where he annoys the crap outta me and I just laugh because, oh it is love. The kind that makes me wanna listen to music and write my own lyrics about how my life was happy, but I never knew it could be this happy.
Love is lovely. I can’t click my heels. I try but I just look like an idiot. But that’s how happy I am, all the time. I just feel happy. And I want to better myself so when that love comes, I’m ready for it. I love climbing trees and running barefoot, everywhere! And sweet battle scars. But sometimes I like to get all girly, to curl my hair put on makeup and listen to Norah Jones or Michael Buble and wear perfume and my mama’s jewelery (which is always better than mine) and sing. Loud, in the shower. I just like to.
I like dorky things. I like fun things. I like knight in shining armor things. I like to stay up late, and wake up early. I like to talk to random people, about their lives and the places they’ve been and the people they’ve met and the places they think I should go and the places they’d never recommend. And about the things they love, and the things they’re passionate about and the things I’m passionate about.
Ooh, and when I grow up, I want kids. Lots of kids to grow old with. And play with. And teach how to love music, how to love life, and how to get up when they fall, and how to never, ever quit, like my parents taught me.
At least in life. I quit the piano twice, and now I regret it. I quit trying to learn Spanish, and now I regret it. But I’m fixing it. I’m learning these things. I’m learning what things are important, what things I want to do right.
That’s whats great. I can always fix it, I can always learn from every single experience and take it with me and remember it.
Well. That’s all I wanted to write.
Oh yeah PS. I am scared of frogs. And lizards. But no one should know that. Cuz technically… I’m not supposed to be scared of anything.
I love science fiction. My daddy and my brothers got me into serenity, firefly, orson scott card and ender’s game, star wars, I love it all.
I laugh too loud. I have to remember to close my mouth when I laugh so it doesn’t wake up the whole street.
My brothers are my favorite, and when someone teases me like my brothers tease me, I crack up. I can’t help it, I just love to be reminded that every boy I ever date is or could be a brother too. And trust me, he will get on my nerves.
Weird habit? I blow spit bubbles. Gross, huh? It grosses my friends out. And I’m totally guilty of liking it. When I find something that grosses my really good friends out, I definitely take a brother attitude on about it and do it over and over to them until they start crying.
And do you know what? I love dancing in the rain. And watching girly movies. I love them!! Girly movies that make me cry, laugh, and feel good about myself. And write little blurbs like this, blurbs about my style.
This is my style. If I see sprinklers when I’m driving, I pull over so I can run in them. Sometimes, I leave fast food wrappers in my car, and my room is always a mess. I try to keep it clean but there just isn’t enough time in the day. I never make my bed and I can sleep just about anywhere.
When I grow up, I wanna fall in love. Real love, not that trashy romance novel kinda love. The kind where the boy opens the door and I melt, the kind where he annoys the crap outta me and I just laugh because, oh it is love. The kind that makes me wanna listen to music and write my own lyrics about how my life was happy, but I never knew it could be this happy.
Love is lovely. I can’t click my heels. I try but I just look like an idiot. But that’s how happy I am, all the time. I just feel happy. And I want to better myself so when that love comes, I’m ready for it. I love climbing trees and running barefoot, everywhere! And sweet battle scars. But sometimes I like to get all girly, to curl my hair put on makeup and listen to Norah Jones or Michael Buble and wear perfume and my mama’s jewelery (which is always better than mine) and sing. Loud, in the shower. I just like to.
I like dorky things. I like fun things. I like knight in shining armor things. I like to stay up late, and wake up early. I like to talk to random people, about their lives and the places they’ve been and the people they’ve met and the places they think I should go and the places they’d never recommend. And about the things they love, and the things they’re passionate about and the things I’m passionate about.
Ooh, and when I grow up, I want kids. Lots of kids to grow old with. And play with. And teach how to love music, how to love life, and how to get up when they fall, and how to never, ever quit, like my parents taught me.
At least in life. I quit the piano twice, and now I regret it. I quit trying to learn Spanish, and now I regret it. But I’m fixing it. I’m learning these things. I’m learning what things are important, what things I want to do right.
That’s whats great. I can always fix it, I can always learn from every single experience and take it with me and remember it.
Well. That’s all I wanted to write.
Oh yeah PS. I am scared of frogs. And lizards. But no one should know that. Cuz technically… I’m not supposed to be scared of anything.
Monday, February 2, 2009
sometimes, when i should be thinking of other things...
i'm thinking of you instead.
of only you.
of dreams, and hopes, and wishes and whispers of you.
Oh, there are other things to be done in daily life.
dishes, homework, reading to be done, meals to be made.
But they're all wrapped in thoughts of you anyway.
I know i'm silly, and that's okay.
Because i know everyone wishes they were as silly as me.
Sitting in a restaurant, you next to me whispering so the people next to us wouldn't hear...
maybe it was then.
walking into the house, right outside the front door, stealing kisses so no one else could see...
maybe it was then.
somewhere in between
all those Brazilian museum rocks
and waking up to your voice on the phone.
somewhere in there, i think i tripped and started falling
stopped caring that you called me silly nicknames and started loving it
ooh..... you make me crazy.
i couldn't care less what happens later.
i want now, i want it all, i wanna love it and hold it
and keep it inside me forever. and always too :)
"oh, say, wouldn't you like..."
i'm thinking of you instead.
of only you.
of dreams, and hopes, and wishes and whispers of you.
Oh, there are other things to be done in daily life.
dishes, homework, reading to be done, meals to be made.
But they're all wrapped in thoughts of you anyway.
I know i'm silly, and that's okay.
Because i know everyone wishes they were as silly as me.
Sitting in a restaurant, you next to me whispering so the people next to us wouldn't hear...
maybe it was then.
walking into the house, right outside the front door, stealing kisses so no one else could see...
maybe it was then.
somewhere in between
all those Brazilian museum rocks
and waking up to your voice on the phone.
somewhere in there, i think i tripped and started falling
stopped caring that you called me silly nicknames and started loving it
ooh..... you make me crazy.
i couldn't care less what happens later.
i want now, i want it all, i wanna love it and hold it
and keep it inside me forever. and always too :)
"oh, say, wouldn't you like..."
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