You make me happy

I think every girl needs a daddy.

I mean, okay, boys need dads too. Dads help them learn to grow up, to not only be a man, but be a gentleman, and learn all the stuff that men need to know. 

But... well this is what brought this on. I was thinking about my first birthday home from my mission the other day. My dad took me to Wal Mart so that he could buy me a Bruno Mars CD, because that is what I wanted (a year and a half without real music will do that to you). It wasn't there, so he took me to 2 other Wal Marts in different parts of town to find it.

FYI: Wal Mart is the only store that I know of that edits the crap out of their music. Meaning, you don't have to hear unnecessary swearing or vulgarity if you buy  your music there. 

 This is the kind of thing that Daddies will do for their girls. I'm not even a little girl anymore and I still feel like my Dad would do anything for me, and I think all girls need to feel like this. Like they're loved, like they're special, like they deserve someone who would do anything for them. I believe that many of the self esteem issues in the world could be solved by a good dad. And of course, my Daddy would not be nearly as good without my mom. I definitely think there's some truth to the old adage, "Behind every good man is a good woman," whether it be his wife, his mother, both or another good woman, there is some definite wisdom there. Chivalry is not dead. And no one is as chivalrous good dads are to their little girls. 

In other news, we tried cloth diapers this week. For half a day. Definitely a disaster, and only due partially to the diapers. As informed as I try to be about things I do for my son, and as much as I've read about different kind of cloth diapers, I somehow missed a major discussion somewhere that said you need to put a plastic diaper cover over the cloth. Because every person I've talked to about my experience either laughed or shook their heads and said, "you're gonna need to use a plastic cover." Needless to say, huge messes ensued, taking out my pants, Justin's pants, the floor, two of Jackson's outfits, and our couch - twice - in about a 4 hour period. If I can talk my husband into a next time, we are going to try some better quality cloth combined with diaper covers from now on. Only, if the purpose of doing it is because the diaper is more breathable, I don't see how putting plastic over it would be any better than disposable... I guess I'm just a little out of the loop on this one. 

But he's starting to be able to stand on his own, and that's adorable: 

~*We could lay here for hours and just reminisce~*

It beats for you, so listen close

Drops of Awesome

A friend posted this on her blog and I wanted to share it, I seem to be finding myself amidst alot of peptalks today. Miss Jessica (who I don't know) reminded me this morning of the power of positive thinking.


So like I said, lots of peptalks coming my way today. Which brings me to my next point.

Last week I got a text from a number that I did not recognize, informing me of a quilting project that was going on at a ward member's house that morning. Of course, me being the ever-too-cool person that I am, I thought,
Quilting? really? are we 70? Retired?
and then I thought, oh man. a chance to be with people my own age. Who are women.
and right then, just right then, the desire for human contact over the age of ... well, 4 months, and better even, FEMALE human contact, overrode my need to be cool. Thank goodness! Because I got to spend some time with a bunch of the really cool ladies in my ward, who I found out, contrary to my judgmental mindset, were NOT 70, NOT retired, and were actually kind of awesome. Also, I made this:

How cool is that? afterward I spent about 2 days trying to convince my husband to buy me a sewing machine. And he spent 2 days patiently explaining that right now, law school is more important than a sewing machine. Although I think I could still talk him into it if I find one that's inexpensive enough. Those things can be pretty handy to have around, if you know how to use them. Which I don't.
But I can learn! and now I want to =)
Jax sat up last night! We took video of it. Actually, I take excessive amounts of videos, it's a little ridiculous... but not alot ridiculous. I really want to remember everything about him, because he's growing so fast. In fact, He's sitting on my lap as I type this, chewing on my sweater strings. He could not do that a month ago. He also could not scream at my face a month ago, an action that I occasionally find obnoxious but usually just find hilarious. I hope that I can appreciate all of my kids as much as I love this little one. I know he's my only one, but I don't want to have an inordinate amount of pictures of Jax and a miniscule amount for my other 5.
I always say 6 kids, watch me have 2. But I think there are 5 more out there for me =)
My son is being a monkey right now. He just launched himself from a sitting position on one end of the couch at me sitting in the middle of the couch, to a standing position. He can stand if he's holding on to something. Usually my hair.
Love these days.

~*turn me up when you feel low~*

Sure feels good

It's funny how many little things I notice with Jax now. It's almost like when you start falling in love, how you notice dumb little details about a person.
Like how they wipe their nose all the time, or flex their jaw whenever they're thinking hard.
With Jax I notice little things, like how his lips pucker up like a little duck when he first stretches in the morning.
Or how he gets this coy smile when you smile at him, and then turns his head away like he's shy.
Also, I love the way that he pouts - he sticks out his bottom lip when he's about to cry and gets the saddest little face that would just break your heart.

It really is like falling in love with this tiny person who you get to know before anyone else gets to know him.
Some days he just sits there and screams, not crying, just yelling. Personally, I think he's singing. But I guess we'll see what he's actually doing as he grows older and learns to talk =)
We had a really good weekend visiting with my parents. We really only got one full day with them, but it was so nice and so worth it.
We got to take a few pictures with them, so hopefully we can post one of those up, they turned out really nice.
We stayed with really close family friends who live kind of in the middle. All 9 of us. (There are 9 of us now, can you believe that?)It was really cool of them to be able to take all 9 of us in, like having family you can always count on.
I mean, seriously, even family sometimes might balk at 7 adults, a teenager and a baby. But not these guys. It was a big party.

In other news, I can't wait for spring. Don't you just love that first day of warmth after a long long winter?
I just love feeling the warmth on my skin that first day, the feeling that everything starts anew and especially the anticipation of summer, and swimming, and days in the park, and camping.
AND it's my baby's first time getting to experience all that, so that adds another exciting aspect to it =) Just can't wait. Life is fantastic.

~*so things can change~*

Lightning strikes the heart...

I really love going back and reading the things that I've written. 

            

Justin trying to keep Jax from eating him.

I don't write enough for it to be a real accounting of things that have happened, but I should. Maybe that's one of those things I should add to a long list of goals I need to accomplish. Keep a consistent journal. Or blog at least twice, weekly. 
Jax is doing so many new things every day! Right now his daddy is holding him, and Justin is in constant awe of Jax's ability to gnaw on his fingers. The minute you pick him up, he wants to stand on you. And the minute he stands on you, he wants to gnaw on your hands. Crazy baby. This week has been a week of milestones for him. He's learned to roll over and giggle! which, can I just say, is super adorable. here is a video of his cute giggling. He's so much fun to play with.  Ah, I just love being a mommy. It is so fun. It's so funny because I can't stop taking videos, and pictures, and just trying to record all of the things he does, so we can look back on it later and enjoy it, to just remember. He's growing so fast and I just never want him to grow up. I know he has to. It's so sad for me to think about, even now with him so little, him going to his first day of kindergarten, or going to middle school (okay that's the scariest one for me), or graduating from high school, driving, buying a car, going to college.... I just want everything that was ever good for him. I'm not always going to be able to baby him, though. I'm going to have to let go someday. So I'm just holding on as tight as I possibly can right now, trying to enjoy everything (yes, the crying included... not really succeeding on that front, though). 
I feel like even though those milestones are scary to think about, I have so much time. and when all of my six beautiful babies are out of the house, I have a really fun husband who will surely entertain me. He does now. Yesterday he cracked me up, because he was telling me that he texted his parents to tell them that Jax rolled over. His dad texted back "cool." and his mom texted back "Now you need to be very careful about putting him on elevated surfaces." and Justin tells me, "I guess we better not tell her that that's how we found out." (I was seriously like, two feet away trying to find a pen.) I am a very blessed wife and mother. Even though our baby is going to have to live through some of our trial and error. And we are probably going to have to live through some of each others' interesting quirks. It is a good life. 

~*brighter than the sun~*

Goodnight, my angel.

I came to a stunning realization in a mall in Colorado last week.
Colorado being the home of some of the more deadly shootings that have happened in the recent past, you can understand how this particular incident would set my nerves on edge. 
As we were walking on the second story of the Centennial mall near Denver, we all suddenly heard the voice of a panicked man echoing off of the walls.
"AUDREY! AUDREY! AUDREY ELIZABETH!"
Probably because of the high ceilings and what the walls are made out of, the voice seemed to bounce around for miles. My heart immediately started racing and I looked for the nearest safe haven. In the past my  mind might immediately have gone to how I could be a hero, but having a child really changes all of that. I rehearsed how I would protect my baby should I find myself in the middle of gunfire or anything similar.
Probably, it was just a man who had lost his daughter and could only think of one good way to find her: yell for her. I'm sure he didn't think of the panic he could possibly incite, and thankfully his yelling quieted soon after it started.
I feel sad that we have to live in a world where that is the first place our mind goes. Not helping this panicked man, not even wondering what he was yelling about or trying to help him. Simply finding a place to hide, finding safety, our most basic need. 
I often reflect on how the death of a loved one would change me. Sometimes I work myself up so much over all the things that could happen to my sweet baby boy. 
It's those times that I'm so grateful for God's plan for us. 
So grateful knowing that no matter what happens, God, in His infinite wisdom, has provided a way for us to be together. I do believe that God is a merciful, loving God, and that He will provide a way for all of us to have those we love when this life is over. 
I just ache for those families in Connecticut that had to go through incomprehensible horror. Not only those parents who were dealt the crushing blow of learning their sweet little ones were victims of unconscionable hate, but also those parents who waited in the wings to find out if their babies had made it out okay, only to have to explain something no parent should ever have to explain, and something no child should ever have to comprehend. 
But I do think, that amidst the horror of things like this, there comes an undefinable beauty to life, if we choose to find it, to look for it, and to embrace it. 
and that, in itself, is undeniable evidence of our Father in Heaven's love for us. 
so cool. 

~I will never be far away~