Goodnight, my angel.

I came to a stunning realization in a mall in Colorado last week.
Colorado being the home of some of the more deadly shootings that have happened in the recent past, you can understand how this particular incident would set my nerves on edge. 
As we were walking on the second story of the Centennial mall near Denver, we all suddenly heard the voice of a panicked man echoing off of the walls.
"AUDREY! AUDREY! AUDREY ELIZABETH!"
Probably because of the high ceilings and what the walls are made out of, the voice seemed to bounce around for miles. My heart immediately started racing and I looked for the nearest safe haven. In the past my  mind might immediately have gone to how I could be a hero, but having a child really changes all of that. I rehearsed how I would protect my baby should I find myself in the middle of gunfire or anything similar.
Probably, it was just a man who had lost his daughter and could only think of one good way to find her: yell for her. I'm sure he didn't think of the panic he could possibly incite, and thankfully his yelling quieted soon after it started.
I feel sad that we have to live in a world where that is the first place our mind goes. Not helping this panicked man, not even wondering what he was yelling about or trying to help him. Simply finding a place to hide, finding safety, our most basic need. 
I often reflect on how the death of a loved one would change me. Sometimes I work myself up so much over all the things that could happen to my sweet baby boy. 
It's those times that I'm so grateful for God's plan for us. 
So grateful knowing that no matter what happens, God, in His infinite wisdom, has provided a way for us to be together. I do believe that God is a merciful, loving God, and that He will provide a way for all of us to have those we love when this life is over. 
I just ache for those families in Connecticut that had to go through incomprehensible horror. Not only those parents who were dealt the crushing blow of learning their sweet little ones were victims of unconscionable hate, but also those parents who waited in the wings to find out if their babies had made it out okay, only to have to explain something no parent should ever have to explain, and something no child should ever have to comprehend. 
But I do think, that amidst the horror of things like this, there comes an undefinable beauty to life, if we choose to find it, to look for it, and to embrace it. 
and that, in itself, is undeniable evidence of our Father in Heaven's love for us. 
so cool. 

~I will never be far away~